Occies vs Hampstead RFC 5th

Thanks to Harry Santa for the match report;

With heavy rain throughout much of last week putting Saturday’s titanic
clash with Hampstead RFC 5th’s in jeopardy, The Occies breathed a collective sigh of relief when the match was confirmed…that was until we saw what we thought to be our opposition for the day; a squad of gym-heavy mutants. At this point, on their way to the pitch, the Occies were practically penning a formal letter of complaint to Hampstead RFC for sending a side of ringers as their ‘5th’ team. Fortunately, the actual Hampstead 5th team showed up 20 minutes later, which was a morale boosting
sight…

The backs and forward divided to refine their set-pieces…4 minutes later,
we were ready to go. Waiting to receive the opening kick, the Occies were
somewhat taken aback by the level of ‘woofing’ coming from Hampstead’s
colourful character, ‘The Colonel’…who later declared that if Hampstead
didn’t win the scrum in question no one would be getting match teas!
Undeterred by the barking, the Occies made a great start, systematically
driving the oppo back, and it wasn’t long before Suki sold a dummy on their
22, which the whole of Hampstead bought at the price of 7 points. Bargain.

That was the foundation upon which The Occies build their fortress, as we
continued to break the gainline with almost every touch of the ball.
Powerful running throughout the squad led to consistent tries, and it soon
became clear that the best result of the day would be a clean sheet. An
exceptional debut from Pip saw a number of great runs, paving the way to a
strong hat-trick. One try in particular saw a reluctant Hampstead full back
waiting nervously for a car crash of a collision with Pip at full tilt on
their try line, the result of which was inevitable. His therapist has since
confirmed he is doing well despite the set-back to his confidence.

There were tries across the teamsheet, including 3 for Pip, 2 for Suki, 2
for Harry Santa, 1 from Tom Santa, Si Smithers made a strong cutting run to
get over the line, Nick I believe scored too, and OJ (who was kind enough
to make an appearance in the second half) even scored with his first touch
of the game – handed on a plate to him by an extremely reluctant Suki. It
is worth mentioning that selflessness was a theme throughout the match,
with Martin deserving much credit for his off-loads throughout. Apologies
if I missed anyone out on the score-sheet. With ten minutes to go Harry
Santa forgot where he was, so when he pointed out the perfect rainbow to a
disinterested Pagey, he was reminded he no longer plays hockey, and that he
was also no longer invited for team showers.

The final whistle went, and it was a job well done for the Occies – most
importantly having not conceded any points. 71-0…it was time for the 6
Nations…

GOOD
The rainbow
The awesome point difference, having conceded nothing
3 great debuts
Paul Rein taking a pint for getting engaged
Great effort from the oppo for making it to a last minute fixture – good
bunch of lads
The pack had the upper hand in the scrummage against a heavy outfit
The Frenchmen were gracious in their narrow victory over England (robbed)
Pips hat-trick
Great running play throughout, offloading well with limited ‘white line
fever’
A strong post match session, including aggressive levels of pizza and beer
consumption

BAD
JB nearly killing his opposite number ‘bird-man’ with his hip-bone
England losing to France
Paul rein getting engaged – it’s sad to see a good man go.... Only joking
congratulations!

FUNNY
Russ apparently going off the line out calls from 10 years ago, and when
filling in on the wing, he was very grumpy about his kick chase duties
Fran's methodical 'top down' approach to dressing himself after the game
involving the scarf and beanie coming on before trousers or socks.
Pip catching an oppo runner with one arm in the air and driving him back 15
metres
Les Deux continuing their shoulder bumping warm up.
Suki's disappointed at given an assist to OJ (allowing him to score with
his first touch of the ball)
Having a female guitarist bust out a few tunes in the clubhouse only for us
to offer her money to strip instead.
Chats with said female busker surrounding the fickle world of Tinder –
which she seemed to think was degrading to women. We did well to counter
the argument until Pagey suggested that “if you want us to hold the door
open for women, they had better be happy to clean the dishes”
Frans comments about to his friend - “Don’t worry, they won’t stare at you
as you’ve got no t*ts
OJ’s disappointment at the Red Lion’s refusal to honour a “surprisingly
technical drinks promotion” having lost a game of 5’s for the round
Suki being accosted at the cash machine in Putney but a drug fuelled
scrawny guy apparently concealing a gun. Suki unwilling to back down gave
him his marching orders, by telling him to “go play tough with someone who
gives a s###”

MoM - Pip Blake

All in all, a great day, and a great night to follow. Hamstead were a good bunch of lads and we were very grateful that they gave us a last minute fixture.