Move on...........

Mrs G
The Fixtures Secretary
Barnes RFC
Queen Elizabeth Walk
Barnes
SW13 0DG

Dear Mrs G

I hope you are well and enjoyed a long summer break, indeed that the children are well too and no doubt thriving at school and that any pets are lovingly nourished........good!!

As you know too well the 13/14 season arrived in haste and three games in I sense Mrs G might not be terribly happy!!!
I can’t help but notice the VETS, (our average age circa 43) have now played three fixtures against opposition who either don’t shave, still have satchels upon their person, or look like a boy band………..whatever that is!!

Needless to say over these three weeks I have drawn a perspicacious conclusion as to how this can be!!! It is blatantly obvious to me that Mr G, (our esteemed 9 and Team Manager) has hacked you off so much over the summer break with absurdly long golf days, city lunch’s into the early hours and an inability to know how to spell DIY let alone undertake any and thus you have, understandably, decided to punish him with both the physical and mental torment of playing younger University sides which have just won the last 10’s Tournament!!

This form of torture, conceived by a Woman, is understandable, but I must now protest and politely urge you to release Mr G and the entire VETS squad, of this torture and plead that you now resume normal protocol and find us a genuine VETS fixture. Such a side would normally have a number of Men whose appearance might be less than baby faced, balding, a slightly fuller figure, less muscle definition and slower in movement; perhaps a sight you are overly familiar with anyway!!

And of course the VETS side would be only too happy to administer any punishment Mr G might be worthy of should his ill considered antics prevail; do let me know.

Though no more Merlins (who handsomely thrashed us.... and at the site of our awesome Chairman ‘Rhino’ taking to the field they immediately requested uncontested scrums!!), or Crags Crusaders, or any other youngsters this side of April 14, please!

However, we thank you for all your hard efforts as well as putting up with Mr G!

Yours ever so sincerely

Mr F/Finche/Vets Skips