Humble Hammers........

My oh my!!!! Skips relishes the prospect of writing match reports for the next eight months……..gee I must be away with the ‘fairies’ if I am going to be able to sustain this……….but anyway here goes.!!!

Happy 13/14 season Punters……..by yesterday’s standard its going to be a corker!!!

Clearly you have all been bored out of your minds during the summer break as over twenty three of you eagerly turned up looking for a game, giving me an admin challenge which Spence thought would test my mgmt skills to the limit……bless you Spence, you really are quiet sweet, or is it only me who see that in you!!

We were supposed to be playing Beaconsfield courtesy of the mighty Hoff, but the wheels came off that one on Thursday and no sooner had a replacement fixture with London Irish been found they pulled out again, thank goodness our highly resourceful fixtures secretary Jane Graham, found us Hammersmith & Fulham – thank you Jane!

Friday email banter ensued and I understand that in the excitement, new boy Josh Hanning, became so enthralled at the prospect of playing in a fifteen aside contest, (having excelled throughout the Summer Touch season), he went out on Friday night and celebrated, so much so that he couldn’t actually play!!! Josh next time I will ensure Duncan and Gus chaperone you , as they do indeed know how to indulge on a Friday night yet still play, (well sort of play)………Gus!!?

Yours truly in usual style washed my balls on Friday night and got the water bottles filled up too so, we were already set to go for Saturday! I was very grateful to see my new second in command – Jonny – Vice Captain – Speers as first one there and if only you could have seen the smile on his face.

He approached me………….well ok……..picture a baby faced school boy aged 5 going up to his new school mistress on the first day of term………”Miss I brought you this nice fresh apple for your break”………..Jonny instead handed me the most pristine First Aid bag, full to the brim with enough elastic tape to cover up Gundog’s mouth for the season!!
“Skips….Look I’ve bought ‘us’ a first aid bag in case we need it”………..hmmmm read on!!!

Anyway after Gus and I worked out how to get 23 players on the field we went back in time, by about half a century, to a Nicky Bellis warm up!!! Nick we need to discuss this my friend!! New VETS players like Sean Gibson who have recently climbed down for the dizzy heights of 1st XV rugby, probably thought he was at his Mums yoga class – sorry Sean – we will work on it!

Meanwhile as we went through our Jane Finder routine, I noticed a very young opposition putting together some well worked drills and patterns that appeared fairly useful…..hmmm this could be fast and furious contest!

The ref, who looked like he actually still attends Jane Fonder class’s courtesy of his long standing SAGA membership had me and my fellow oppo Captain meet for the coin toss, which we won, (as I often do!), though they rather smugly wanted to play 80 minutes and not our usual 70, but with both sides having plenty of players this seemed most equitable.
Now…..warning!

The following paragraphs may not be the most accurate record of the game, so use your imagination and if I mention somebody who scored that didn’t actually play; that’s simply because at some stages during the game I am away with the fairies at the bottom of some ruck!!!
We kicked off and were on top of Hammers very early on putting them under huge pressure which they did well to absorb, but re were recycling ball at a rate of knots. However, guess what!!!

Yes…… Jonny after some sort of attempt at a tackle at only two minutes cam e over to me with a dislocated little finger pointing at right angles…….so off he went to try out HIS new first aid kit! But this was no great loss as we had the mighty Gundog chomping at the bit to come on!

I think we won a few scrums and we dominated at the rucks which Hammers contested well.

I do know Clappy went over for a try early on and it pleased me no end that he did so as he epitomises what Vets is all about – body on the line for your mates and deal with the pain on Sunday morning! I salute you Clappy………

Marek kicked conversions like they were going out of fashion and new recruit Sean Gibson dominated the lineout and brought an air of welcome class and professionalism to the side. (Mrs ‘future’ Gibson……we will look after him and ensure there is not a blemish on him, but he is officially a Vet now……..a good one!)

So with the set piece really being ours, we were providing the backs with great ball to use.

Marek conducted proceedings like a maestro with Pini and Morgs finding impossible lines to run and off loads that looked sublime…..Skips was happy! And so after about 20 minutes we must have been up by about three tries to nil – answers on a postcard!!!?
In the next quarter though we did start to make a few mistakes and lost some composure and to be perfectly honest you had to hand it to Hammers as they were just not going to lie down. They continued to come back at us and we had to defend well and on occasions we lost too much ball in the tackle.

At half time despite having scored more tries again, Hammers regrouped and distinctly treated the game as nil all and where not going to give up and soon after, a questionable try, (possible foot in touch) was scored by them! And as you all know, Skips does not like being under our own posts EVER!

So we went back at them and somebody, somehow, somewhere scored………that’s all that matters to me!

What I do remember though is a Cris Pini,(our highest try scorer last season) getting so close to their line after a dazzling run and at the point of touch down passed to their No 10 with out looking! Cris you would have had to see off a pint for that, but as Suki, (who had an outstanding game) made a similar mistake he did your pint for you – you owe him!

The other classic moment was a Hammers intercept as Marek went to pass to Stu Osborne!! Stu had clearly been Tangoed by the Tango man as he was all orangey brown from his spray on sun tan and bleached hair…………all you could see was a bright light and Marek was clearly dazzled.

I am sure there were other moments and mentions due, but Skips has a life and needs to get the ironing done!!!
We won in convincing style and it was great to have some new Vets Virgins join us namely:
James, Pagey, Tom, Alex, Rich Beney, Slats and Ed………..thanks Guys, really enjoyed it.

My man of the match was Sean Gibson so he is the lucky winner of automatic selection for the remainder of the Season.
We also launched a new competition; its called ‘calling Codo’!!! Chris Codo is an outstanding Hooker and we ALL know he needs some help to locate his boots, so we will ALL email his hotmail on a Thursday morning between 8-10 with ‘have you found your boots’ in the subject bar!!! If that doesn’t help him, I will give you ALL his work email……….!

After the game we retired to the Club House and enjoyed some great banter and speeches with the Hammers and because there must have been a ‘private viewing’ sale on at Primark, which I assume is where the 1s and 2s went; we had the Club House to ourselves from about 6!!!!
Great start to the season and my personal thanks to Felix the Hammers Captain and al your team for a spirited and well contested match, you are warmly welcome anytime.

The squad was:
1. Marty
2. Jamie Carlin
3. Finche (Capt)
4. Sean Gibbo
5. Clappy
6. Russ B
7. Nicky B
8. Jonny

9. Gus
10. Marek
11. Cris P
12. Morgs
13. Jose
14. Curran
15. Slats

16. Ed
17. Brucie
18. Rich Beney
19. Alex
20. Tom
21. Suki
22. Pagey
23. Gundog
24. Stu Osborne

Scores were:
Morgs x 2
Suki x 2
Clappy, Sean, Marek, Russ x 1
Cons: Marek x 6

Next week we are home and London Irish are hoping to come down to us for a good craic!!!

Have a great week and remember to get your training in!!!
Finche/Skips
22.09.13