Occies vs S&E 3s (sort of...) - Niall Pelly's last match

Match according to Niall:

The first game of 2014 saw the Occies travelling down to [Cheam / East Ewell / Sutton / Epsom / God knows where], bathed in pleasant sunshine, and gunning to blow away Christmas cobwebs. On the train down, I was treated to the unprecedented (and seemingly sincere) spectacle of Suki waxing lyrical about the benefits of eating properly, exercising properly and, above all, having a dry January. Sadly this paean to clean living and general goodwill to one and all was swiftly cut short by the stark realisation, after scaling some fences and an unscheduled cross-country excursion, that Santa's pre-match directions were about as much use as Anne Frank's drum-kit.

Suki, displaying the Churchillian rhetoric for which he is known and revered, in seeking to cajole usable direction from Santa was heard to exclaim "I'm not being a c_nt, but you are the captain of this team". Sadly there is only one statement in that sentence which is true. Ultimately, in scenes reminiscent of the confusion in post-D-Day Normandy, the groups of Occies wandering aimlessly around the Sutton countryside coalesced and found their way to the S&E clubhouse. All in all, a fairly standard Occies warm-up.

Upon reaching the pitch, two points soon became clear. First - the match was to be played on what appeared to be a fairground slide, complete with upturned sides and unrelenting slope. Second - the Occies had Christmased well. One remark forthcoming was that the team "was the biggest it had been in some time". Shorn of the usual context of a despairing wife/girlfriend commenting disgustedly as yet another turkey and stuffing sandwich was consumed, this comment was taken as a compliment by most people present (particularly Tom). As the bigger and more athletic looking S&E players introduced themselves to the pale and sick looking members of the oppo pre-match, it also became abundantly clear that the team that we were facing would be somewhat different from the team that had been easily despatched before Christmas.

The game duly kicked off with S&E having first use of the helter-skelter slide. A strong Occies team, bolstered by the return of Benny P from travels in South Africa, Australia and Asia (presumably as a result of following Santa's directions to a previous match), started the game well. It was clear from the outset that this was going to be an open game, with some good play on both sides. Strong tackling, good work at the breakdown and some incisive back play saw the Occies make the first breakthrough. The inevitable riposte from S&E was rebuffed by some strong tackling from the Occies, notably an absolute belter from Fitzy that planted an S&E player flat on his back. To general bemusement on all sides (including S&E), this resulted in a yellow card for Fitzy, although those on the sideline agreed that this may have been less to do with the tackle itself and more to do with the fact that Fitzy completed the tackle by appearing to aggressively hump his opponent. Rumours that the S&E recipient is now with child remain unsubstantiated.

Two tries were conceded in the sin-bin period, as against one scored, which was not the worst outcome. The try that was scored during this time period came from an excellent kickchase from Harry Santa, showing the sort of heart that was displayed by the team throughout, and a comical slow-motion fall by the S&E fullback. These exchanges set the tone for the game in general, with S&E having the better of the setpieces and displaying a well-drilled defence (as one would expect of a team that we later found out was liberally sprinkled with players from their 2s); and with the Occies making good headway up-front (notably through some stellar tackling from Pagey and rampaging runs from Snook and Tom) and some scintillating back-play featuring lovely linebreaks from Harry and Suki, with the novel (for the Occies) display of some serious gas from the back three, with Martin featuring prominently. Unfortunately a few opportunities were spurned with some final passes not sticking, but ultimately it was a very promising first half, particularly in light of the slope.

With the introduction of a strong bench (and OJ) and the benefit of the slope, we were hopeful of pushing on for the win in the second half. Unfortunately, that did not prove the case, with S&E enjoying a purple patch in the first 20 minutes or so of the half that seemingly put the game beyond reach. This was a very frustrating period for us, during which we struggled to hold on to possession, and S&E developed overlaps seemingly at will. The coincidence of my appearance for the first time season, and the almost instantaneous defensive collapse was duly noted.

It would have been easy for heads to drop and for the game to develop into a rout, and this certainly seemed to be what S&E were expecting, with some chippy comments being thrown from the crowd. To the enduring credit of the team, rather than give up, an increased emphasis on keeping the ball in hand; raising the tempo; and, in particular, some spectacular ball carrying from Snook began to turn the tide. For the last 20 minutes, we began to play some genuinely cracking rugby, with terrific handling and offloads aplenty. Debutant Tom T featured strongly along with all of the back-line, and the pack began to really put S&E under the cosh. We scored three tries during this period, and it could have been more. While it was ultimately too little to late, it certainly softened the cough of the crowd, and it showed the sort of rugby that we should (and can) play.

THE GOOD

We played some terrific rugby and we didn't let our heads drop, which was highly creditable in the circumstances. There was a really good balance to the team, with a hefty pack up front, and genuine pace in the backs. Everyone tried their hardest, which is all you can ask for, and there were some terrific individual performances (Suki, Harry, Martin, and Tom particularly stood out) with Snook just shading Fitzy for Man of the Match. Tom T also delivered a very promising debut performance, and we look forward to seeing him turn out some more in the future.

Dubious team selection notwithstanding, S&E was a nice place to play some rugby with a vocal crowd, a decent match tea and jugs of beer (some courtesy of S&E) , and generally a good set-up all round.

The end-game was particularly notable (at least in my eyes) for the opportunity given to me to kick the final conversion on what was my final appearance for the Occies before returning to Dublin. As was the case in Serge Blanco's final match in the Parc des Princes (when Bill McLaren famously commented that "if the stadium had a roof it would have been blown off"), the kick was duly despatched. Sadly, unlike that occasion, this one was met with general bewilderment from the S&E faithful, and the metaphorical roof remained resolutely attached. I very much enjoyed it though, so thanks.

For my part, thank you all for your kind wishes, and I look forward to seeing you over in Dublin at some stage - just drop me an email at niallapelly@gmail.com if you happen to be over. It's been an absolute pleasure to play alongside you all for the last few seasons.

THE BAD

The reality is that the nature of the Occies (and the lack of training etc) is such that we will be up against it whenever we meet a team that is well-drilled and organised, particularly when it comes to defensive organisation and set pieces. For that reason, the second half period where we let them in for a fair few scores was understandable, if disappointing. Any team that gets beyond a couple of phases is going to do us damage if we cant organise our defensive line better. That being said, the easiest way for us to defend is to keep ball in hand rather than kick it away (particularly when we struggle in the line out), and the last 20 minutes really showed the damage that we can do when we do that.

Fitzy's sin-bin was ludicrous and the ref's decision were pretty baffling at times (notably penalising OJ for wheeling the scrum from flanker when we were being absolutely battered back on a 5 meter scrum). To be fair, the match ultimately wasn't close enough for any odd decisions to have a major bearing.

THE FUNNY

Huw rolled back the years with a scorching break on the outside (although this may or may not have been an angry response to an oppo's exclamation that he was marking "fat Neil Jenkins").

The all to predictable demise of Suki's assurances of a healthy and dry January, as he inhaled a meat pie with extra gravy post-match, washed down liberally with pints, followed no doubt by a post-Wandle kebab.

The camaraderie is as good a reason to play the game as any, and is better than most. There was a good turn out in the bar afterwards. S&E supporters were duly impressed by the social side we displayed, one of them noting that "it was great to have team hang around and put some money behind the bar" and wondering "if they could play us every week".

Of course, having beaten us by 62-30 or so with their seconds, they would say that. The fu@kers.